Wow, I really do still exist

2009-07-29T02:21:36Z

Hey there... suebear is still alive and kickin'. Just haven't had the gumption to do anything on all the different lists and groups I'm on.

I'll try to do better....sigh

S

mellow-er.. but still rambling of mind

2007-10-13T22:38:15Z

It has been an interesting week. I've come to the realization that no matter how I try, money is always going to be an issue for us. It is like the universe simply has to place an unexpected 'something' at the lead of each month. Rather than bitch about it, I'm going to rejoice that the universe actually has the courtesty to plan these things in line with my paycheck.LOL..I know.. screwy, but at least I am not sulking about it.

I'm still in that mood to get rid of crap, try to clean up my house and re-organize. Big trouble there. Having a hard time letting go of stuff that I konw has some value.. would like to get something for my loss, you know? But I suck with luck at garage sales (holding them)so I just end up miserable and pack up crap to take to Goodwill or Salvation Army. Both of those places have raised prices and I am disillusioned about them. For the love of pete, I cannot figure out Freecycle.. gonna try that again soon.. now that Yerby straightened me out on the web addy. LOL>..

Keeping Kaia this weekend. Her Mom and Dad are celebrating the wedding anniversary with a trip to Springfield. they stayed at the same honeymoon spot and ate out at the restaruant where they had the first date. Ain't that grand? Wish something nice like that would happen for me. But, alas... my first date with Clay was at a PizzaHut/TacoBell/KFC combo in KC and the honeymoon hotel was a dive at the intersection of I-70 and Hwy19 just south of Montgomery City.. lol. Unless you count the handfasting.. a tent on a slight incline at Lilies War in 100+ heat. no thanks.. don't want to repeat that one. The kids are getting along great. Think I'll let them make muffins after supper for a late night dessert.

It has been a tough week. Lots of high emotions among a circle of my friends. Me trying to be a solid spot in a storm. There's been alot of drama and high emotion in general of late. I'm told that Mercury in retrograde is a meanie and now I am believing it. Thanks to those who not only watch the stars, but translate. I am not able to do that and am grateful to those who do.

Clay's detox is coming along better. He's still really frustrated and craving the chew, but his anxiety is getting less and less. One thing I do notice is that his back pain is more evident this weekend.. meaning his tobacco craving is lower and he's able to 'feel' or focus on his other pains. This is both good and bad. Believe me, the hell of withdrawal was almost worth not having him constantly unsettled by the back pain. Yes, I am working on getting him to manage his pain. But he is stubborn. He doesn't want to spend any money on himself for the treatments. I say the treatments are cheaper than a divorce laywer (only half joking).

This is the first weekend I am home the whole time and I am wasting it away. I slept WAY in.. so unusual for me.. and then foolishly took the kids to free matinee (Nancy Drew.. totally cute movie) and gave up 3 hours of my day that way. Got home, unpacked groceries, made a light lunch and have been in front of one screen or another the rest of the afternoon.. interrupted only by a couple of phone calls out.. I'm not accepting calls this weekend except from Kaia's parents. I need real down time.

Dinner tonight is one of my favority easy meals. Spagetti sauce and noodles. I don't 'quite' go completely commercial with it. I do brown the hamburger (in the microwave) but I do use jar sauce and frozen garlic toast.I'll take the time to boil up some pasta.. but it is a low energy meal for this bear and everyone else loves it. Right now only tootsie pop suckers sound good to me. I'm not sick.. just sick of the usual foods. In fact, I'd even refuse a thick steak right now.. really. And, no, Woof, I am not running a fever or dying..lol

Yes, I am rambling.. but this is my journal.. so what the heck.

Got the kids going outside for awhile. Will be nice to not have the t.v.'s blasting at both ends of the house. Clay's asleep, so I turned his off. Usually that wakes him right up, but not this time. Going to detour traffic outside through the side of the house so they don't wake Clay. he's not been sleeping well. I got couple hour nap will do him wonders.

I've got some details to take care of. Cancelling an online class I was in through my Avalonian group. I simply could not keep up with the material in the deadline time and the other conflicts I had to deal with this week ate up the time I had to finish my work by deadline. Once again I have failed myself. I'm past feeling too bad about it.. but I am still starting to wonder why I try to do anything. Sigh.

There's some rumbling about a group of folks pooling in a vehicle and making a day trip to see me this fall. Jillibear.. isn't that you? sweet thang? I think either the last weekend in Oct or the second weekend in November would be ideal. I know lots of folks will have Samhain stuff the first weekend in November. I'm supposed to go see Navi and Echo the last Sunday in Oct to celebrate Samhain with the kids at a park. Their car isn't too reliable right now, so I told them we'd pack up and come to them. but I'd be around that Saturday. Of course the first weekend is open for us in November, but I didn't want to have folks crunch time around the FWF event. If any of you can come west. please do.. we'd love to see folks. If you can't come.. no problem. I am certainly aware of needing to limit travel expenses and time/obligation conflicts.

I also have time open in Dec between yule and new years. Maybe folks will have time to buzz around then.

I'm worried about some of my dearest friends. Some are isolating themselves due to school, work and limited finances to do much else. Some are licking wounds inflicted by bumbling community members who can't seem to see the forrest for trees. Some are speading themselves so thin by giving giving giving that I worry about the long term drain on them. Some have just become isolated due to not taking time to reach out more often. For all these folks, I raise my heart prayers to the Gods an Fae and hope that the powers who are able to transcend time and space will go to my friends and watch over them.

It is time to cook... sigh. Why can't the whole house be happy with a tootsie pop tonight?

Beginning the 3rd weekend in Nov. things get wierd for us. Something every weekend, it seems.

still alive and kicking.. well, kicking anyhow

2007-09-08T16:27:22Z

Just a quick post to let everyone know I'm still here and o.k. Just tremendously busy with work and the kids' routines. Can't get over how tired I am in the evenings after putting in a full day at work. Seems like the older I get, the less I have left over after giving my ethical best at work.. sigh. Maybe I need to squeeze in some excercise and increase my energy level. Odd I know, spend more energy to gain more endurance.. but I know this recipe for success works.. just hard to make myself push through and do it.

I'm hoping to make a sociable trek to the St. Louis area sometime in the next couple months.. probably without the kids. I really want a chance to come see Marty Britton and spend some time with her, but I also want to spend some quality time with Woof and Becky. Don't know what other people's plans are looking like. Will have to see how things pan out.

More soon, I promise.

Suebear

Sue Bear

Wow, I really do still exist

mellow-er.. but still rambling of mind

still alive and kicking.. well, kicking anyhow